Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
