Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm bleeding and have questions
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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