mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
