I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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