hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
