Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
