Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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