Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
