Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Mom said you looked used
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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