I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
