you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
