Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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