he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
