wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
