A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You can't just leave with hair like that
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
