I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
