I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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