party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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