Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
