I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
