I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
