When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
