I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
nutella sex= disaster
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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