first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize