Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
