is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
