my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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