So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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