There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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