I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
