I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
