You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
