also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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