Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
