i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
