I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
