i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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