did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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