forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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