Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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