So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
