I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I touched a dick in church today
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
