We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
