at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
