We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
