I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
