there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
