I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
