there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
