listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i may or may not be watching the land before time
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
