That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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