You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
